Looking Back
by CrazyBuff
Summary: Buffy gets sent into the past and finds out something she didn't see before.
1. Contemplating

TITLE: Looking Back   
BY: Sunnyshine405@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Buffy gets sent into the past and finds out something she didn't see before.   
Set directly after the events in Fool For Love. Anything up until then applies.  
CONTENT: Buffy/Spike  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own BTVS or any of its characters, just borrowing and manipulating into my own plot-line.   
RATING: Pg-13  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: When Buffy travels back in time, she will be Buffy1 and the Buffy in that time will be Buffy2  
  
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Buffy could not believe her life had become so completly complicated so fast. Her baby sister, the one she thought that she had had in her life every since she could rememeber, was some key thing that some monks put into a human form and sent to her, along with the fake memories. It killed her to know that every single thing she had remembered before Dracula wasn't real.   
Then there was that extremly strong, physcotic bitch that she had fought before she had found out about Dawn. She had a bad feeling that she would be back.   
Then, now, just a couple nights ago, she had almost died at the hands of a run-of -the-mill vampire. One vampire had managed to change the direction of her stake; instead of plunging into his unbeating heart, impaling her. If Riley hadn't showed up when he had, she knew she would not of made it.   
Then she just HAD to figure out why Slayer's died. First, an unsucessful research session with Giles. Then she had to think of Spike. She had to make him tell her how those two Slayers died at his hands. She wanted battle moves, she wanted stragizing. She wanted to be prepared for the next time. What she got was what she never expected. He had told her that they had wanted it, it was an intial death wish that all Slayer's have before they die. She wanted to pretend that he said that just to get to her, that it wasn't it at all. But she couldn't. The truth laid painfully out in front of her to see. She knew it was the truth. She had wondered before, what was it like. Hell, she'd wanted it before. Only for a second, but that one second was enough for her to know that that was the downfall of a Slayer. She knew it was only a matter of time before she would let the need for it to all just end consume her.   
And then, there was Spike himself. He really got to her. Out of all the vampires she'd fought, he was so incredibly different. Sometimes she would forget he was a vampire. Just for a minute, she could see him as more than a demon. There was something about him that made it impossible to kill him. She hadn't been able to before the Initiative because he was a perfect match to her strength and skill, but now, he was tamed. He had a chip, she should have been able to stake him in the blink of an eye. She would have. When he first came to them, she should have been able to do it without a thought. The only thing that stopped her from trying was because they needed information from him.   
*But what happened after we knew everything we needed to know?* She asked herself. Somehow he had managed to get at least a little bit of respect from the group that kept them from killing him. She noted that he paid attention to the group very well, he understood them, he knew them all personally. Especially her. And it scared her. She was constantly asking herself, what if he gets the chip out? She found out eventially that she couldn't stake him. It frustrated her to no end. *I can't stand him, chip or no, he's a vampire, I hate him. Then why? Why can't I just do it?* It was the one question that constantly plagued her thoughts. The one she couldn't answer. The one she wanted to pretend didn't exist.   
And then, just the night before, right after she found out about her mother, when she was sitting on the back porch step... Spike came. He had a gun. But, yet, she wasn't scared. She was ready to welcome death right then; that scared her. When he had put his gun, he obvisouly had intended on using, down, when he asked her if something was wrong, when he asked her if there was anything he could do to make it better; the part of her that was embracing the death wish wanted to scream at him to do it. She almost had. She wanted to scream at him, beat him, make him do what he had come there to do. It didn't hit her until he sat down with her that he couldn't do it either. He couldn't kill her. Not because of the chip. She realized it was the same reason she couldn't just stake him. She didn't understand it, and she was sure he didn't, but she knew there was nothing either of them could do about it.   
*At least mom's alright* She remeinded herself. Her mom had gone to the hospital earlier to get the catscan. It turned out to be nothing, as origanilly thought. It was a relief. A big one.  
Buffy glanced over at the clock. It was 6:30. Giles wanted her to go over to the magic shop to talk about the Slayer deal, since she had told him she had recieved information. She sighed. She didn't want to relive the pain at the startling truth.   
*Maybe I should tell Spike to come tell him. He'd tell it better than I could*   
*Are you crazy?!? Why would you want to have to deal with him agian?*  
She frowned, continuing to argure with herself.  
*Okay, not going to help. Giles, Magic Shop, tale of Slayer death wishes.*  
With another loud sigh, she picked up a couple of stakes from her dresser, sticking them in various places on her body, then left the room.  
She took the stairs two at a time and, reaching the bottom, grabbed her coat, and was out the door. 


	2. Just Can't

"And that was it?" Giles was asking her after she finished telling him everything.  
"Well, he told me he was going to make sure he was going to be the one to kill me. Then, he started getting really wiggy and I don't know.. worked up. He tried to get me to fight him." Buffy told him.   
"Did you?" Giles asked, a bit concerned. He didn't understand why Buffy would choose to go to Spike for the answers she wanted. He knew what Spike had said was the truth. That wasn't the problem.  
"Did I what?"   
"Fight him?" Giles saw the way they got when they got 'worked up' as Buffy called it. He saw how self-involved they got. They would completly ignore everything around them. When they were around each other, with everybody else, they might as well be alone. If Giles didn't know better, he'd say there was quite a bit of sexual tension.   
"Oh, no, why would I waste my time? I got what I asked for, nothing more."   
Giles watched his Slayer closely. She was pretty upset about her answer she had received. But, she knew it was the truth, and took it as it was. He had to respect her for that.  
"If its any consalation, Spike's threat.. well, it can't be followed through on." Giles offered.  
"That's what bothers me" Buffy replied softly. "I mean, it should be a comfort that he's chipped and all, but.. Giles, one day he could get it out somehow, or something." She stood and begun pacing.  
"Yes, well, I doubt he'll prove much of a problem."   
"Giles.. don't you get it? I CAN'T stake him." Buffy ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "I want to... believe me."  
"I'm sorry.. I don't understand" Giles said, starting to get concerned for her.  
"Yeah, well, I guess that means we're pretty much gonna be in the dark on that one, coz I don't get it either." Buffy stopped pacing to look Giles in the eye. "He can't do it either, you know" She added, so softly he almost couldn't understand her.  
Before Giles could say anything, the front door burst open. And Xander and Spike came running in.  
All traces of frustration and confusion left Buffy's face. It was replaced with alarm. And it grew as the rest of the gang dashed in behind, baracading the door behind them.  
"What's going on?" Buffy asked them.  
"We were out patrolling. A whole bunch of demons showed up" Xander replied.  
"If Spike hadn't showed up, we wouldn't have gotten out of there alive." Willow added.  
"My Lord, how many were there?" Giles asked, worry evident in his voice.  
"A half-dozen or so." Xander said said, out of breath.  
"Are they coming?" Buffy asked, her Slayer mode coming forth.  
"No we got them all. Just almost died doing it" Willow responded.  
"We ran here coz we were afraid that there might be more. We figured we needed to do research." Xander finished.  
"Yes, well, that would be helpful." Giles gestured to the books. "Let's see what we can find." 


	3. Fights and Lights

"No, you won't do it. You won't stake me. Cuz you can't." Spike taunted the angered blonde Slayer standing a few feet in front of him, arms crossed.  
She dropped her arms. "I can to!" she said defiantly.  
"Oh?" Spike asked cockily.  
"Want me to prove it, Bleach Boy?"  
"You know, on second thought, maybe you can. But you won't. Cuz you just want to torture me by bloody being here!" Spike spat back.  
"I'm torturing YOU?"   
"Would you two just stop?!?" Giles interupted. Both blondes ignored him, staring each other down.   
"You're just not one for action are you, Slayer?" Spike taunted. "If I had a hundred dollars everytime you said you were going to stake me, I'd be bloody rich!"   
"Giles said to stop, " Riley interrupted, not liking the tension between them. They spared a glance at him before turning back to each other.  
"Oh, yeah? How many times have you said you'd kill me?"  
"At least I actually tried after I threatened."  
"Giles said not to. That's the only reason I don't," Buffy lied, afraid of letting Spike know the truth.  
"If you really wanted me dead, you wouldn't care."  
"Fine" Buffy replied, pulling her stake out for emphasis. She pushed him agianst the wall and pressed the stake up to his chest.  
Just then a mixture of bright lights engulfed her.   
When it dissapeared, the stake clattered to the ground.  
  
******  
  
*OK, what happened?!?* Buffy thought to herself when she suddenly found herself in front of Giles's apartment.   
She was about to knock, when the newspaper in front of it caught her eye.  
It said that the date was December 8th, 1999.  
Almost exactly a year earlier than it was supposed to be.  
She forgot about knocking and just barged right in.  
"Giles! Something wiggy is going on!" She exclaimed as she walked into where the couches were.   
She saw Xander, Anya, Willow, and Giles all sitting there.  
"Hey Buff, when did you go outside?" Xander asked, curious.  
"I didn't" answered a voice from the entrance to the kitchen.  
Everyone looked over there.  
Then looked back at the Buffy standing in front of them.   
"Oh dear" Giles said, standing.  
"You aren't some evil twin from a alternate universe are you?" Willow asked catiously.  
The Buffy who had just arrived had to smile.  
"No. But I think I've been sent back into the past. Cuz only 5 minutes ago I was in year 2000." She told them.  
"Wow, you're from the future?" Willow asked in awe.  
"Appears so." Buffy1 replied.  
"Wow" Buffy2 siad, walking over to her future self. "this is really wiggy."  
"Gonna have to agree with you on that one."  
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE?" They all heard Spike yell.  
"None of you're business!" Buffy2 screamed back. She turned to Buffy1"He's such-"  
"-a pain in the ass, I know" Buffy1 finished for her.  
  
******  
  
"Buffy!" Riley shouted rushing over to the spot where Buffy had been seconds ago. "What happened?" Riley asked Giles, scared.  
"I have no idea" Giles replied, also shocked.  
"She just dissapeared!" Riley informed everyone. They all stared over at the spot the stake had fallen in, in shock.  
"Yeah, in those colorful light things" Spike piped up. Everyone looked at him.  
"Lights?" Giles questioned.  
"Yeah, they were all pink an' yellow an' blue.... None of you saw it?" Spike replied.  
"No. But I'm guessing this calls for research." Riley gestured to the book shelves.  
"Well, yes, we need to figure out what that was and how to get Buffy back." Giles announced.  
"It was a time traveling portal." Anya said simply.  
Everyone looked at her. 


	4. ch 4

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Giles was asking Buffy1.  
"Yeah, he might know something about why I'm here. I mean, you know, sometimes he knows stuff. And besides, he can't hurt anyone." Buffy1 assured him.  
"Alright then." Giles agreed, sighing. "Buffy, will you..?" He directed at Buffy2.  
"Yeah, yeah. I'll go get the pest." Buffy2 replied, disappearing into the bathroom. A few moments later she remerged, dragging an annoyed Spike into the living room. He looked around at all the people in the room.  
"What do I have to do with...." Spike trailed off when he saw Buffy1 standing across the room. He looked back over at Buffy2. "Is everyone aware that there's two Slayer's?"   
"She's from the future" Giles explained.  
"Huh" Spike said, looking Buffy1 over. "So tell me, luv, what happens to me? Do I get this soddin chip out of my head?"   
"She staked you long ago" Buffy2 informed him smugly.  
"Bloody hell! What about the whole helpless creature speach?" Spike queried.  
"She's lying" Buffy1 told Spike, exasperated.  
He sent a look over to Buffy2.  
"Hey, wishful thinking."   
"Anyway, back to the point. We have to figure out why I'm here." Buffy1 cut in before an arguement could start.  
"Why don't you tell us what happened when you got sent here, then maybe we can figure out at least how you got here." Willow suggested.  
"Yeah, then maybe we can figure out why you're here by research," Xander continued. "Hey, wait a minute. Did I just suggest researching?" He shuddered.  
Buffy1 smiled at his joke, before getting serious agian. "Well, I remember, all the sudden these colorful lights surrounded me, then #poof# I was here."  
"You were brought here by a time traveling portal." Anya informed her. "I used it a couple of times in my demon days."  
"I've heard of those. I believe I have some books that cover that subject" Giles announced, already heading towards his bookcase.  
  
*****  
  
"I found something!" Willow exclaimed an hour later. "I think I know why she was sent here!"  
"Why?" Buffy1 asked impatiantly.  
"If a portal is not conjured by the person who is, well, in it, the person has a goal in another time. Or something that hasn't been figured out yet, and needs to be."   
"So future Buffy, anything you can think of that fits that description?" Xander asked Buffy1.  
"Actually, there's alot of stuff that needs figuring out as of late. But, according to Willow's information, its just one thing..." Buffy trailed off, lost in thought.  
"Oh, and um, usaully the last thing you were doing has some meaning to what needs puzzling out." Willow added.  
"So, the big question here is: What were you doing, or saying?" Xander summed up.  
"Well, I was arguing with Spike, and he just made me so mad... I had him up agianst the wall, stake to the heart, everything. But, that's nothing new, that always happens. And then #whoosh# portal took me away."   
"What do you mean, that always happens? You always do that, and you still havn't staked him?" Buffy2 asked, confused.  
"Well, no" Buffy1 said uncomfortable. She knew where this was headed.  
"Why?"  
"What do you want me to say?" Buffy1 asked, not ready to tell them.  
"The truth."  
"I can't" Buffy1 said simply.  
"What do you mean you can't?" Buffy2 questioned, not understanding. "Somebody won't let you, or what?"  
"I just CAN'T" Buffy1 answered, frustrated. "Its like... its like* I* won't let me."  
"I don't get it."  
"Yeah, well, neither do I. That's why I'm here." Buffy1 said, sitting down on the couch, sighing loudly.  
Everyone remained silent for a few minutes before Willow spoke up.  
"It says here that if you figure it out, well, you get to go back to your time."  
"And if I don't?" Buffy1 asked, panicked at the implications.  
"Then you stay here."   
  
*******  
  
"Giles! I found something!" Willow exlaimed, startling everyone seated around the round table. "I think I know where she went!"  
"Where?" Rilley asked, impatient.  
"If a portal is not conjured by the person who is, well, in it, the person has a goal in another time. Or something that hasn't been figured out yet, and needs to be. Oh, and um, usaully the last thing the person was doing has some meaning to what needs puzzling out." Willow looked up at the others.  
"So she's been sent through time?" Xander asked, doubtful.  
"Yeah." Everybody looked wide-eyed at each other in silence.  
"She was about to stake Spike." Anya announced, catching their attention.  
"What?" Willow asked, confused.  
"Before she got taken away. You said that the last thing she was doing has something to do with why she was taken." Anya explained.  
"*I* have something to do with this?" Spike walked over to the table. "How?"  
"Well, that's the problem. We have no idea" Riley answered him, hatred evident in his vioce.  
"I might" Giles said, sighing.  
  
******  
  
"So that means you can't stake me" Spike was saying to Buffy2.  
"Whatever. I could in a matter of seconds." Was her retort.  
"Yeah, that's why I'm still standing here," Spike commented.  
"We need you're information." Buffy2 said, waivering.  
"Well, doesn't miss Slayer-from-the-future have the info?" Spike asked, not realizing he had told them something useful.  
"Of course!" Buffy2 exlaimed. She turned to Buffy1. "So tell."  
"Commandos. They belong to this thing called the Initiative. Its run by Maggie Walsh. And Riley Finn is one of the head cammandos. Maggie builds a big demon guy named Adam in a room called 314." Buffy1 summerized for them.  
"Riley's a cammando?!?" Buffy2 excaimed, surprised. "And Proffesor Walsh?"  
"Uh huh."  
"Wow. So this Initiative, is it still around in your time?"  
"Nope, long gone. Although Riley did have some problems with his heart from the medicine they had been giving him." Buffy explained.  
"So, is Riley like your friend or ...?" Buffy2 asked, curious.  
"Boyfriend"  
"Really? Cool! A nice normal boyfriend... ok exept for the whole Intiative thing."  
"Exactly"  
"When are you gonna get it?" Spike broke into their conversation.   
"What are you talking about?" Buffy2 asked, uninterested.  
"You're not gonna make it work with a regular guy." Spike answered her smugly. "So tell me, do you love this Riley bloke?" Spike asked Buffy1.  
"Of course I.... Well, I'm sure that I can learn to love him." Buffy1 replied, a little uncomfortable.  
"You don't learn to love someone, pet. You just do."  
"Yeah, I know that.. on some level." Buffy1 looked down at the floor, wishing Spike didn't know her so well.  
"How did you know-" Buffy2 asked Spike, slightly wide-eyed.  
"I know you" He said looking her directly in the eye.  
  
******  
  
"What do you mean she can't?" Riley asked with barely controled anger.  
"I do not have the slightest idea. I believe thats why she is in a diffrent time. She doesn't know either." Giles answered, taking off his glasses in frustration.  
"So if she figures it out, she gets to come back, right?" Xander wondered out loud.  
"I believe so" Giles answered, sitting down in a chair with a sigh. "All we can do now is wait."  
  
******  
  
"You don't know me at all" Buffy 2 responded, glaring right back.  
"No? Why don't we ask future-girl over here?" Spike said cockily, gesturing over to Buffy1.  
"A little too well sometimes," Buffy1 answered softly.  
"See, luv? 'You' said it yourself." Spike laughed a little at the blonde Slayer(2).  
"Don't call me that. I'm not your 'luv,'" was all Buffy2 could say back.  
"Alright, PET"   
"You are the most annoying vampire I've ever met, you know that?"  
"I just annoy you 'cuz you like me so much"   
"First of all, eww. Second.... ok... just eww."  
Spike grabbed his chest in mock pain.  
"Ouch, that hurts, Slayer"  
"Good"  
Buffy1, who was trying to be deep in thought, trying to figure out why she was there, was finding it hard to concentrate. She glared at the arguing blondes, who were oblivious.  
"Would you guys just STOP!"   
They both spared her a quick annoyed look before turning back to each other.  
"It's nice to know that you like to see me in pain" Spike continued, fake sadness in his voice.  
  
******  
  
After a few more minutes of trying to concetrate, Buffy1 gave up and turned her attention to Spike and herself fighting. Something seemed to be bugging her about the way they acted around each other, the things they said, and the way they reacted to each other.   
Buffy1 decided that she had to be brutally honest with herself here in this time. She couldn't dismiss even the smallest detail, even if it was an uncomfortable topic for her. So she observed her past self and Spike.  
If it ever got around the subject where Buffy2 would have to admit that she felt anything but hate towards Spike, she would avoid the subject. Spike seemed to bring up the subject. They never directly said that they hated each other, and they seemed to enjoy the bantering. It was almost playful.  
Slowly her mind drifted to all the times her and Spike fought verbally, trying to find a relation to that and what she was watching. She noticed a pattern in every argument: first they would trade insults, then they would start to get worked up, and alot of the time, they ended up in that same position; Her holding him to a wall, on the ground, whatever, a stake to his heart. But, she never followed through on the threat. Why?  
As realization dawned on Buffy1, she hit her hand agianst her forhead.   
"Oh fuck!" She swore loudly. Even the bickering blondes stopped what they were doing to stare at her.  
"What? Is something wrong?" Willow asked, slightly concerned.  
"Oh no, nothing, I just figured out the reason for this whole damn thing, " Buffy1 told them, angered with herself for never figuring it out before.  
"You figured it out? Well, enlighten me, cuz I'd really like to know." Buffy2 said, interested to know why 'she' couldn't kill Spike.   
"Wait, before anything is said, let me remind everyone to keep an open mind. And that this is being said by someone from the future." Giles told them before Buffy1 could say anything.  
"I can't kill him because...." Buffy1 trailed off for a minute, faltering. "Because I love him" She finished queitly.  
The room was very, very quite for several minutes as everyone stared at her, shocked.   
Spike was the first to break the silence. "So, Slayer, anything you want to tell me?" He asked Buffy2 playfully, walking over to her, stopping inches away from her.  
"Eww!" Buffy2 pushed him away from her. "You wish!"   
But her cheeks were bright red.  
"Wow.. I love Spike..." Buffy1 said to herself.   
Two seconds later, lights started swarming around her.   
*What the hell am I going to tell the others?* she thought, closing her eyes.... and missing the lights shooting out from her and circling around Buffy2 and Spike. 


	5. ch 5

Willow, Giles, Xander, and Anya jumped out of their seats around the table when Buffy dropped from a bunch of lights on the ceiling, onto the table.   
With a groan, Buffy pushed herself up to a sitting position.  
"Umm... oww," She said as she slid off the table. Rubbing the arm she landed on she said, "Stupid portal."  
Just then two more figures landed on the table, startling everyone agian.  
"Ugh!" Buffy2 said as she jumped off of Spike2 as soon as she realized she was ontop of him.  
"Bloody Hell!" Spike2 proclaimed at the same time, also jumping up off the table.  
Buffy1 stared at them with wide eyes. "Oh.. shit."  
Buffy2 took in her surroundings, realizing that she was in Buffy1's time. She turned to face her.   
"You know, you were supposed to figure this whole thing out, and go home. Not bring us with you! And I'm stuck here with Spike, of all people!" Buffy2 exclaimed.  
"Maybe you guys need to figure stuff out too," Buffy1 suggested, a hint of a smile on her face.  
"Maybe if we screw, we'll get back," Spike2 suggested crudly.  
"WHAT?!?" Buffy2 screamed. "Eww! No!"  
"C'mon, baby you know you want me."  
Buffy2 made a face. "In your dreams."  
He shrugged, smiling playfully. "Sometimes."  
Buffy1 rolled her eyes. "Could you guys, like, stop for two seconds?" She faced Giles, "You have no idea how annoying they can..." Buffy trailed off as Giles gave her a look. "Right."  
"Fine by me," Buffy2 said, walking over to Buffy1, trying to get away from Spike2.  
"Cor, is that really me?" Spike1 asked, a little shocked by all of this.  
"Yup... this is one of my worst nightmares... two Spikes." Buffy2 said with a volantary shudder.  
"Twice the fun," Spike2 said, giving her a wolfish grin.  
"God, could you get anymore perverted?" Buffy2 asked him, blushing furiously.  
"Anyone ever tell you that you're cute when you're embarresed?" Spike2 said, a twinkle in his eyes.  
Buffy2 didn't have anything to say back, she just blushed more.  
Spike2 laughed, walking over to her. He quickly leaned down and kissed her straight on the lips before she even realized what he was doing.  
Buffy2' s eyes widened, and she shoved him away. "Get off! Why the hell did you do that?" She yelled, shocked at the way her lips tingled. She..wanted Spike?!?   
"Sorry," He said, sounding sincerly sorry. "I didn't know you found me that distugsting."  
Buffy2 looked at him, confused. She'd actually hurt his feelings! Why was he so hurt by what she said?   
Just then, she got the meaning of it, of everything he did and said to her. "Y-you like me?" She asked, an unbelieving tone to her voice.  
Spike2 looked down sheepishly.   
*Sheepish Spike? Okay, this is weird.* Buffy2 thought.  
"Well.. yeah. Didn't want to tell you... its pretty obvious that you don't feel the same way." Spike2 admitted, refusing to take his eyes off the floor. "But, it doesn't matter.. pretty much figured I didn't have a chance with you," he told her, finally looking up at the wall "Actually maybe we could just forget-"  
"Spike," Buffy2 said, getting his attention. He looked at her. "Shutup."  
With a small smile she grabbed him and kissed him, tongue and all.  
And then they were gone, the flashy lights taking them back to their time.  
  
*****  
  
After a few moments of silence, Xander spoke up. "What just happened? Does anyone else feel like they missed something?"  
"Yeah, I sure as hell do," Riley said angerly, not liking the sight of Buffy and Spike kissing.  
"While all this is fascinating, I'm sure I'm not the only one who is curious about how you got back," Willow said, sitting back in her chair that had been neglected, due to the Buffy and Spike show.  
"Well, umm, those lights.. it was a-" Buffy started.  
"Yeah, we know all of the bookish details of it. What Willow means is what did you figure out?" Xander asked, also sitting. Anya followed his example, as did Giles.  
"Oh.. well, we talked about it, and I did some thinking.. and the whole thing was.. I had to figure out that... umm.." Buffy quickly searched her brain for a lie. "The whole death wish thing... I had to figure that out." Buffy said finally, hoping they believed her.  
"Why are you lying, Buffy?" Riley asked her, obviously tense.  
"L-lying?" Buffy asked weakly, knowing she was caught.  
"We already know that you can't stake Spike. And you obviously figured it out, or you wouldn't be here." Riley told her, jelously evident in his voice.  
"You do?" Buffy asked, a deer-caught-in-headlights expression on her face. "I mean..."  
"What is it that you don't want us to know?" Xander asked her, looking at her with curiosity.  
"You know what, I'm really tired... Maybe we could just finish this tomarrow?" Buffy told them, adding a yawn for their benefit.  
"You're scared to let me know," Spike stated, walking over to her. She looked up at him. "You think that it would be a weakness on your part."   
"Wouldn't it?" She asked, looking straight at him.   
*God he is fine... why did I never realize it before?*  
"In the old days, yes. Things have changed, Buffy. I'm not your enemy. I'm your friend."  
"I know that. That's why thats not the issue."  
"Then what is?"  
"I..."   
"She wants to have orgasms with him!" Anya excalimed, jumping up from her seat, clapping her hands together in excitement. "This is so entertaining!" Anya smiled brightly. "Does this mean you're getting rid of Riley? Coz, you know, I think it would be better for you... I mean, he doesn't make you orgasm... you have to fake it. I don't think you'll have that problem with Spike..."  
Everybody, who had, in the beginning, before Anya's blurt, been staring at Buffy, were now looking at Anya in shocked disgust.  
"Anya!" Buffy cried, her face bright red. "That was our secret!"  
"But, you never told me that you wanted Spike. I figured it out myself."  
"Not that... the other thing..." Buffy said, blushing even more.  
"Oh.. you meant the part about how bad Riley is in bed?"  
"That's true? You told her that?" Riley asked, outraged.  
"I'm sorry.. you just don't make me feel that way.." Buffy said quietly, looking at the floor.  
"Fine.. I'm gone.." Riley stomped over to the door.  
Buffy flinched as the door slammed loudly.  
After a couple moments of uncomfortable silence, Willow said, "I guess Anya was right then?"  
Then suddenly Xanders chair flew over backwards as he shot up out of it in sudden realization. "You want Spike?"  
Uh oh... Buffy thought as she looked up at everyone with wide eyes.  
Xander got his answer when the door slammed open, and the faint sound of Buffy running away could be heard. 


	6. ch 6

Spike opened the door to the Summers house catiously.  
"Buffy?" He called out, softly, as he stepped in.  
"Over here," She responded. He turned his head towards the living room, where she was sitting on the couch.   
He noticed that she was staring at a blank T.V.  
As he was sitting down, Buffy looked over at him. "You don't usually do that."  
"What?" Spike asked, cocking his head slightly.  
"You called me Buffy. I've never heard you call me that before. Its usually Slayer or one of your endearments," She explained, turning her body so that she was facing him.  
Spike wasn't quite sure what to think. "Uh right," He commented, lamely.  
His confusion mounted when she suddenly ducked her head down under his chin, laying it on his chest. He akwardly placed an arm around her.  
"You don't mind, do you?" She asked somewhat nervously, her hands hesitantly wrapped around his waist.  
Spike swallowed, hard. "No... not at all."  
After a moment of silence Buffy said, "Spike?"  
"Yeah?" Spike responded, his voice slightly shaky. He was still trying to catch up with the sudden turn of events.  
"Do you like me?" She questioned, pulling away from him just enough to look at him.  
"No," Spike said, casually.   
Buffy felt tears forming in her eyes. Why did she even hope that he would feel the same way?  
Just when Buffy was going to pull away, Spike held her steady and looked deep into her eyes.   
"I love you."  
Buffy eyes widened and she gripped his arms tightly. "You do?"  
"Yeah," He gave her a little smile. "Crazy inn'it?"  
"If so, then I must be insane." She leaned in closer to him."Coz' I love you too."  
With that she pressed her lips to his softly.  
  
End 


End file.
